Your back goes out more than you do

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You have a party, and the neighbors don't even realize it.

Your are proud of your lawn mower.

You know what the word "equity" means.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

Neighbors borrow your tools.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"

You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"

You send money to PBS.

You still buy records, and you think a CD is a certificate of deposit.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You call Olan Mills before they call you.

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You can live without sex but not without glasses

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You have a dream about prunes.

You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You talk about "good grass", and you're referring to someone's lawn.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You make an appointment to see the dentist.

You got cable for the weather channel.

The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1980.

They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era.

They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.

Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

Their world has always included AIDS.

Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums and cassette audio tapes; they may have heard of an 8-track, but probably never actually seen (or heard) one.

The digital Disc was presented to Wall street when they were 1 year old.

From their earliest years, a camera was something you used once and threw away.

As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.

Few, if any, have lived without an answering machine.

Few have used a TV set with only 13 channels.

Some use the word "clickers" for "remote control", yet they do not know why they say it.

They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.

"All-skate, change directions" means something to you.

In high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again.

You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you in the "tail gunner" position.

Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language.

You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, Rick Springfield, or Cyndi Lauper video.

You actually know who Rick Springfield is.

You're starting to believe that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon

There was nothing strange about Bert n' Ernie living together.

Knickers and leg warmers were cool.

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still carry the emotional scars to this day.

You ever wanted to learn to play "Stairway to Heaven" on the guitar and choreographed "Dancing Queen" by yourself in your room.

You were afraid of the Sleestaks on Land of the Lost.

The first time you ever kissed someone was at a dance during "Crazy for You" by Madonna.

You ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation.

You wore anything Izod, especially those windbreakers that folded up into a pouch you could wear around your waist.

You owned a Jordache anything, or you remember when Jordache jeans were cool.

You remember LeFreak by Chic

In your sophomore class picture, you're wearing an Izod shirt with the collar "up."

You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding.

You know who shot J.R.

This rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."

You ever had a Dorothy Hammill haircut.

You sat with your friends on a Friday night and dialed "8-6-7-5-3-0-9" to see if Jenny would answer.

You owned a pair of rainbow suspenders just like Mork used to wear.

You remember when your cable TV box had the three rows of numbers and you had to move the selector switch accordingly.

You had feathered hair.

Your jaw would ache by the time you finished those "brick-sized"packages of Bazooka gum.